UD Jesuit 3 Mona Shores 1

Superbowl weekend. Superbad hockey for the Sailors against the U of D Jesuit Cubs. With six kids off the roster on a young team to begin with (as well as the nickname “Cubs”) you wouldn’t think the U of D would strike fear into the hearts of the Sailors, but this Saturday afternoon, U of D stood for Utter Domination.

The Sailors had more passes thrown behind receivers than Joey Harrington on a Sunday afternoon and more missed passes than Charles Rogers after a long night of clubbing. The Cubs had more scoring chances than the Bill Belichick has cameramen. And the game was more one-side than the Patriots against, well, just about anybody in this super Saturday letdown. At a time when teams should be playing their best hockey of the season and gaining momentum going into the playoffs, the Sailors are going to have to do some soul searching to find out what they are made of. Across the board, MS did everything they could to make the Cubs look like all stars in a ridiculously penalized game which saw ten infractions whistled on the usually disciplined Sailors, two DQ’s, and the puck rarely making an appearance outside of the Sailor defensive zone other than when the referees carried it off for resurfacing of the ice.

The U of D opened the scoring at 10:51 of the first on a powerplay by Mac Olson, with support from Anthony Stempin and Mike Yanis. For MS, their first scoring chance came with :47 left in the first period and a three on one break into the Cub’s zone. The lone U of D defenseman harmlessly tapped the puck away. Fortunately, the Sailors came back on the offensive with their response at 14:47 on a goal from Tyler “Mac Daddy” McCarl from “Third Brock from the Sun” Carlston and Adam “Too Posh” Meloche. Mercifully, the period ended at one all.

In the second period, Adam Meloche briefly brought the Sailors crowd to their feet when he entered the red zone with speed and went one on one with a U of D defenseman. Unable to shake him, fans reclaimed their seats and resumed their grumbling. At the twelve minute mark, MS again went on the attack and held the puck in the attack zone for nearly a minute, offering hope to the anxious but sparse home crowd. But again, no results were noted by the officials nor recorded by the goal judge. The rest of the second period featured more penalties on the Sailors and more shots leading to goals for the U of D Jesuit Cubs. At 8:03 of the period, Michael (I could nickname you but I won’t) Costello heard his name over the public address system on an assist by Yanis, and then at 9:23 Matt Moore punched gloves with all of his teammates after scoring on assists by Joe Kurcharek and, no stranger to the scoresheet, Mike Yanis.

The final period featured mostly slap hockey and penalties, with a total of four more Sailors watching the game from the safety and comfort of the penalty box. With 4:47 remaining, U of D went 2 on 1 in the Sailors zone with a nice save by Scottie “Just a pinch between your Tief and gums” Tiefenthal, resulting in a 2 on 1 the other way by Meloche and McCarl, proving equally unrewarding.

For the game, winning U of D goalkeeper Jacob Piepszowski turned away a leisurely total of ten shots for the Sailors, with Tiefenthal refusing 22. The Sailors hit of the game came from Ryan “Walkin’ the Green Mile” Mylenek, who hit a Cub so hard at the blue line he knocked the color off his jersey.

(Editor’s note: In no way does the Tiefenthal nickname serve as an endorsement of chewing tobacco, which makes your lower lip look stupid and gives you ulcers of the gums)